Washington, Dec 18 (Inditop.com) As the sculptor carves and polishes away flaws in a stone to reveal the ideal form, a skillful partner supports the loved one in fulfilling dreams and aspirations.
The partner helps loved one in fulfilling dreams like completing medical studies, becoming more fluent in a second language or being more sociable. This is known as the ‘Michelangelo effect’.
Supporting a partner’s image of his ideal self, whether it is a vague yearning or a clearly articulated mental representation, helps the loved one reduce the discrepancy between the actual self and the ideal self.
An international review of seven papers on the ‘Michelangelo phenomenon’ shows that when close partners affirm and support each other’s ideal selves, they and the relationship benefit greatly.
“And over the long term, I more or less come to reflect what my partner sees and elicits from me,” said study leader Eli Finkel, associate professor of psychology at Northwestern University.
That’s how Sara, an outgoing person with a great social network, brought Bob’s best out in him. Sara made Bob more comfortable being the person he wanted to be. With Sara celebrating his ideal self, he became much funnier.
Sara consciously may interpret the disparities between Bob’s actual self and ideal self in a benevolent way. She may help Bob become more sociable at a dinner party, for example, by subtly directing him to tell one of his most charming stories.
Conversely, a relationship can run into trouble when an individual emphasises attributes that are peripheral to the core elements of what a partner ideally wishes to become.
Take Mary, a leading researcher and a beauty. If she prizes her scholarly accomplishments above her physical virtues, she will feel offended when her partner refers to her as his “Colorado cutie.” That could ultimately doom the relationship.
Some people such as Sara, who is so warm and empathic, are better sculptors than others and are particularly adept at bringing out others’ ideal selves.
Some individuals may be on the verge of achieving great personal growth and be open to any number of people who could help them, said a Northwestern release.
And others, the studies show, may have a much more difficult time bringing out someone’s ideal self or be much more resistant to the Michelangelo effect.
These findings appear in the December issue of the Current Directions in Psychological Science.
